Sexual Assault and Obesity, Weight Loss 2020 and Personal Lessons

 I was just watching a video from the show 'My 600lb life'. It strikes me that there's a common occurrence of these people having gone through sexual trauma in their childhood.

I was sexually assaulted the first time I had penetrative sex with another man, he being the insertional partner. From then, I gained weight, and it's been a struggle to not associate my appearance with being 'protected' from sexual assault again. 

My assault was a one time thing, although I had to wait 6 months for a HIV test to come back - thankfully negative - but I empathise with these people who were mistreated. Especially as kids - at a time in their lives when they don't have the capacity to communicate properly to those around them a) that they're in a bad situation and b) how it's making them feel.

Expression and Communication are two themes that hold steady in my life. I don't tell people what I need enough.

Take this weekend for example. A friend of mine came up from Melbourne with a psychologist letter (hence why she left the bubble before the 8th Nov 2020) and we caught up, which was great. I've determined that between seeing her, and having about 8 social catchups last weekend (I'm an introvert, and that many has ruined my energy levels), I feel I need a day to myself, and yet again, I put myself out there when she said she wanted to see me this weekend, instead of saying "how about we have this weekend off" or the more truthful 'I need to have a day to myself', I said 'yeah, where and when'. 

I always do this. I put other peoples needs ahead of mine. Then I just end up resenting them (and myself) for it. 

My new years resolution was to lose 10Kg, which by July I had achieved. On January 1st I weighed 104Kg, and I now weight 93Kg. I plateaued for three months (semi-intentionally) - I wanted my body to get used to that amount of food, and weight. And my body doesn't gain too much now, I hold steady at 92-93Kg. However, 2 weeks ago I decided to get back to the weight loss thing, and I'm noticing a pattern to my weight loss, as follows:

1) Begin weight loss.

2) One to four weeks of poor eating choices, rebelling and emotional over eating - including not enough water, and bedtime procrastination.

3) Figure out pattern that works, including Goals and daily entering of calories into calorie counter, with a focus on food routines that work. 

4) I'm moving in Feb, so build that into the routine.

5) Weight loss was easier during the covid lockdown, because I couldn't see as many people. 

6) Remake the meals (exactly) that worked during lockdown.

7) Only do exercise on the weekends, otherwise relax, you'll lose more weight by doing less - The more exercise you do, the more weight you'll put on from being hungry

I think in order to lose weight again, I need to cut way back on social proclivities. Focus on quality people and come up with some boundaries/guidelines.

Guidelines:

You can catch up with others under the following conditions:

1. No food catchups (The new flavour will infect your palate with that taste, and you'll start to go off track)
2. Only allowed social times are:
• Saturday: 9am to 7pm, Sunday 9am to 3pm
• Only allowed one non-family social catchup per weekend (two at most)
3. Don't allow people to store food in your fridge - It'll give you ideas about foods to try - and you'll go off track
4. Don't eat with family whilst in a weight loss phase - their poor food choices will influence your palate and you'll go off track. Wait til you've reached the next plateau